What are we to do with Prince Harry’s ‘Spare’?
Prince Harry’s new book, Spare, has generated a great deal of attention since its release and has been dubbed by many as the overshare of the century. The writhing-ly uncomfortable and long-winded description of his frostbitten “todger” aside, Harry’s candid approach to discussing the effects of the paparazzi on his family is both refreshing and eye-opening. If the reader can de-prioritise their preconceived notion, ‘Spare’ will be an utterly unique perspective on being born into fame, the power of the media, and the extent to which someone can utterly lose control of not only their public image but their life.
The question on many people’s minds is: Why, after saying they wanted to escape media attention, would Harry and Meghan release a book that would undoubtedly garner extreme media attention?
It’s a fair question, but as we see in the book, Harry’s relationship with the media is much more complex than a simple all-or-nothing approach. To him, the effect of the paparazzi on his life has been even more traumatic and all-encompassing than his experiences in Afghanistan and subsequent PTSD, which he writes extensively about. So he does not lightly use words like “invasion” and “guns” when it comes to imagery of the paparazzi. He describes how massive invasions of privacy have been inevitable seen he was a young teen, and never any less distressing.
Now with a family of his own, it can be argued that the powerlessness he describes when it came to protecting them is what drove him to write this book. Yes, it is ridiculously intimate. Yes, most of us didn’t want to know about how he lost his virginity or who all of his past girlfriends’ parents were. But the press relentlessly carved their untruthful narratives of Harry’s life into the eyes of the people until the prince felt paralysed. And the undercurrent of all this is the death of his mother, Princess Diana. Reading Harry’s account, it seems that this novel was a desperate reclamation of agency. He is trying to take control of his narrative by rewriting the lies the press has printed about him and his family. The question now is: Did he succeed?
One of the book’s most valuable sources of information is the previously unheard effects of his mother’s death on himself and older brother Prince William. Harry reveals that he was in denial about his mother’s death for over a decade, and was unable to fully process his grief for years to come. It’s easy to recognise the depth of trauma Harry has experienced, and at times Spare is a truly heart-wrenching read.
Harry’s description of the late Diana is in a positively angelic light. Harry doesn’t seem to realise this himself, but the age difference between himself and his brother may have been more significant at the time of their mother’s death than it is in adulthood. William was 15 when Diana died, while Harry was only 12. Still at his childhood boarding school, Ludgrove, Harry was at the age where the light shines out of our parents. By contrast, William undoubtedly will have already had more emotional maturing and the teenage enlightenment of his parents’ imperfections.
This speaks to an impression throughout the book: though Harry has matured enough to reflect candidly on his experience, his awareness of the feelings of those around him is still very limited. Perhaps this is the result of a family that never discusses their feelings, or it is simply a personality trait. Either way, just as he was entrenched in denial while the world mourned his mother, there is a sense that the author remains excluded from the big picture.
The most complex and taut dynamics described in the book are those between Harry, his father, and his brother. While most primary members of the Royal Family are mentioned, the King and his heir are his closest family, so receive the most airtime. I say airtime because, in Spare, Prince Harry truly airs out their dirty laundry for all to judge. Overall, Charles comes off as doting and supportive; if anything, merely incapable of filling the void that Diana left in the boys’ parenthood. Prince William, however, does not fare so well in Harry’s portrayal.
While Harry’s anger may be valid, it is morally questionable at best to platform your family’s digressions when they have no opportunity to defend themselves. This highlights one of the major discrepancies in Harry’s narrative: though this content is entertaining and eye-opening as a member of the public, the young royal may have sacrificed his family to provide it. He speaks of reconciliation yet has publicly disparaged his family and admitted to staging a confrontation at his grandfather’s funeral. One begins to think Prince Harry himself is not quite sure what he wants most and has thrown the towel in trying to decide. Despite professing his undying loyalty to the monarchy, his apparent lack of commitment to the institution and desire to rebel indicate that he wishes to be free from the obligations of his position. Prince Harry attributes the hardships in his life – from his mother’s demise to the media suffocating his relationships, to the trauma his wife has experienced since entering his life – to the role he was born.
Though the prince spends time discussing the contrast between the heir and the spare, he doesn’t reflect on the fact that with his mother gone, he is isolated in his immediate family in his relative lack of responsibility in the line of succession. Harry’s short-sightedness and wish to de-prioritise the monarchy in favour of his personal life may be reasonable, but it is not a privilege his brother or father can afford as apparent heirs to the throne. Charles and William’s primary concern is keeping the monarchy alive, while Harry is left to survive within it. Reading between the lines, I can see the difficulty of the position the younger prince is in, but I wish there had been stronger awareness here.
Indeed, the prince walks a fine line between criticising his family and criticising the monarchy. His exact opinion on the monarchy is the one topic Harry wasn’t prepared to share. Addressing the conundrum at the conclusion of the novel, he states that his feelings on it “are conflicted, as you can imagine.” Of course, loyalty to the crown has been embedded in Prince Harry since he saw the light of day. It is very interesting that he has placed more loyalty in the system than in his family, even though it is the system that has caused his troubles, not his family. Is this a lack of perspective from Harry?
He does emphasise a simple truth of belonging to the monarchy: no individual is more important than the system. By fighting the palace courtiers for the reputation of his wife, he evidently has no fondness for this. Yet by throwing his private family life under the bus while sparing criticism of the public institution, he has reinstated the very principle.
While much of the intimate detail Harry shared in the book can be justified by a goal to retaliate against the media’s lies and intrusions, I felt that additional information about Harry and Meghan’s relationship went beyond what was necessary. As a reader, I felt as though I was locked in a room with a newly enamoured couple as they exchanged sweet nothings and explored new intimacies. Frankly, that love letter would leave the most romantic of us retching.
We can only speculate as to Harry’s motivation behind the revelations, whether it was an attempt to win back public favour or to simply share all of his truth regardless of context or content. However, as with descriptions of his private parts, his declarations of love have firmly and irreversibly placed the book in the TMI box. Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s story appears inconclusive. With their interview with Oprah Winfrey and the release of this book, it seems the couple are still struggling to gain public approval. Thus they continue to value factors outwith their circle of control and Harry cannot write a memoir as deeply reflective as others in the industry. Harry’s inability to explain his decision to leave the Royal Family could be due to this lack of a clear path forward.
Harry’s choice to share his story, todgers and all, is an empowering move. It is interesting and insightful, worthy of discussion and debate. However, saying that the author threw caution to the wind would be an understatement. Whether this publication will bring his family the relief they needed, only time will tell. As for the remaining royal family, their flighty spare to the heir has left them with a great deal of unwelcome media attention to come.
I am afraid if Prince Harry’s true intention was to stay loyal to his sovereign despite everything, he has missed the mark with Spare – as the book has surely fueled more discussion of the monarchy and further polarised public opinion on it.
Featured image credit: NBC
