Redefining ‘Home’ in Your 20s: A Cultural Perspective on Evolving Relationships with Parents

Moving out feels like a rite of passage, the first act of constructing a self-sustaining life. Across cultures, this transition carries different meanings. In some, it symbolises maturity and independence, and in others, it may be seen as stepping away from family obligations. As young adults navigate this shift and redefine the concept of “home”, they also reconsider relationships with their parents in the process.

Cultural Expectations and the First Taste of Independence

Leaving home for the first time is a thrilling yet terrifying experience. It’s more than just replacing family dinners with microwave meals or learning to budget. It’s reshaping one’s identity beyond family. The process of leaving, and what follows, differs significantly according to cultural and societal expectations.

In places like the UK and the US, moving out is often seen as a step towards independence. Societal values in these places emphasise autonomy, and young adults are expected to leave home for university or work. Government policies like student loans and rental support schemes facilitate this transition, making early independence more accessible, reinforcing the idea that the establishment of an independent household is an indicator of adulthood.

On the other hand, in cultures with strong familial ties, such as those in China and Japan, it is common for adults to live with parents well into adulthood. Moving out may be interpreted as a rejection of filial duty, in which children are culturally obliged to care for aging parents and contribute to the household as adults. This is embedded within Confucian values that emphasise obedience and loyalty to family. In Japan, the phenomenon of “parasite singles,” young adults who continue to live with parents while working full-time, reflects both economic realities and cultural norms that prioritise family cohesion over early independence.

Through this change, young adults may find their relationships with parents also evolve. In individualistic societies, parents often fade to mentors on more fundamental questions about life, shifting from earlier authoritative figures, offering guidance rather than imposing decisions. In more collectivist cultures, young adults may remain closely tied to family decision-making, even as they seek greater independence.

A Time to Heal and Reconcile

Beyond cultural expectations, personal circumstances also determine how young adults experience the transition. For some, moving out is a form of self-preservation as it allows them to digest complex family dynamics and heal from past wounds. It’s a chance to consider relationships from a new angle.

A study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that young people who had spent time away from home reported improved communication and firmer boundaries with their family members. It highlights how leaving home has a dual nature, it can be an escape, but also an opportunity for progression.

It can be a chance for reconciliation for some, to rebuild relationships with their family with a new understanding of past conflicts and generational differences. Distance brings clarity, unravelling the problematic patterns or dynamics that were difficult to detect when fully involved in them. In cultures that emphasise family duty, this realisation can strengthen bonds, leading to a renewed commitment to familial responsibilities.

Redefining home also means creating alternative support systems to some. In university settings, house shares and friendships often take on the role of surrogate families. Places like the Netherlands and Denmark, where communal living is common, sees young adults actively build support networks beyond biological ties, forming close-knit communities through co-living arrangements. Traditions like housemate dinners or celebrating holidays together provide a sense of stability and belonging.

A New Definition of Home

The 20s are a period of flux, a time when home is both a memory and a work in progress. In some societies, home remains a lifelong connection, where family bonds and responsibilities define belonging. In others, home is fluid, shifting with each move, job, or stage of independence. Some people hold onto the memory of home and mould it into their reality; others seize this opportunity for a blank slate.

Perhaps home isn’t a fixed location that we find all at once but is instead built up through small acts of belonging and influenced by the cultures we embrace. In this search, we redefine home, and ourselves.

Words by Jacqueline Wong