On Parasocial Relationships and Cheating Scandals
A question on many minds when Ned Fulmer was exposed for cheating on his wife was: who? As someone who watched the Try Guys from their first video for Buzzfeed in 2014 and was vaguely aware of them since, I remembered one thing about Ned Fulmer: he is a ‘wife guy’. As explained by The New York Times, ‘The wife guy defines himself through a kind of overreaction to being married’ in which he is praised on social media for enthusiastically loving his wife and framing it as exceeding the bare minimum. The wife guy phenomenon is perhaps most synonymous with comedian John Mulaney, who was known amongst other things for bringing up his wife in his popular stand-up shows and in public appearances.
Another outspoken example is Adam Levine, who in speaking to Ellen DeGeneres in 2014 following his marriage to Behati Prinsloo stated: ‘I use that word [wife] right now a lot. I say it for no reason. I say it a lot. “Wife, wife, wife,” I love it. I even changed her number in my phone to “Wife”’.
Image Credits: Wikimedia Commons.
The wife guy should not be confused with a man who simply loves his wife. This man will make his marriage a defining aspect of his public persona, creating a brand around his superior husband status in the relationship and, in the case of Fulmer, Levine and Mulaney, seeming to be massively overcompensating for his adultery. Where the wife guy was once a shining example of blissful matrimony, the scandals created by the adultery of these men has shone a light on the false nature of celebrity and the ways in which their characters can be created and destroyed. When Fulmer was exposed in a series of posts on social media for cheating on his wife Ariel with a Try Guys employee, the internet was taken aback. How could a man who made his entire personality the fact that he is married and madly in love with his wife and children have betrayed not only his family, but his audience who had viewed him a certain way for close to a decade?
The irony of a self-professed wife guy betraying the woman he relies on to maintain his brand is not lost on internet culture, with the response to these scandals increasingly focussed on mocking the men who engage in adultery rather than in hating the women involved. While Mulaney’s devoted fans seem to agree that immediately moving on from Anna Marie Tendler to have a baby (that he always claimed not to want with his now ex-wife) with the woman he allegedly cheated on her with was a harsh move, Fulmer’s notes app apology on Instagram was immediately mocked and memed as the internet ran with the phrase ‘I lost focus and had a consensual workplace relationship’. Similarly, Levine’s leaked sexual messages with various models were ridiculed with his comments on a woman’s ‘absurd’ body immediately being transformed into a meme format and his sexting style being compared to that of a young teenager.
I don’t understand why we continue to blame women for men’s mistakes
Emily Ratajkowski
In a TikTok video following Levine’s Instagram DM scandal, model Emily Ratajkowski spoke out against the disproportionate amount of anger being directed towards the woman Levine was cheating on his wife with, stating ‘I don’t understand why we continue to blame women for men’s mistakes, especially when you’re talking about 20-something-year-old women dealing with men in positions of power who are twice their age […] The power dynamic is so skewed, it’s ridiculous. It’s predatory. It’s manipulative’. While Fulmer and the woman he had an affair with are close in age, her employee status creates an uneasy boss/worker dynamic that is hard to ignore. In the Try Guys’ YouTube apology following the scandal, Eugene Lee Yang acknowledges that ‘the internet has a tendency to be a lot harsher towards women than men’, an uncomfortable truth that in the case of the men in question seems to mostly be downplayed by the internet’s enjoyment in mocking the weak apologies and embarrassing DM reveals rather than the women themselves.
Parasocial relationships have been encouraged almost from the dawn of celebrity, with the often young and female fans being motivated to view their idols as people they can relate to and feel a sense of closeness with. This is mobilised by social media, where celebrities may post seemingly intimate details of their lives and relationships whilst having a completely different side to them that is not intended for the public to see. Whilst musicians such as Levine have been fostering parasocial relationships for years in the form of songs and interviews, there is something especially intimate about Fulmer’s YouTube fame. On YouTube, audience engagement is everything, and creators are encouraged to form strong bonds with their viewers so that they keep coming back. In the case of the Try Guys, this led to every member having his own distinct character, with Fulmer filling out the wife guy role.
The distinction between entertainment and reality is blurred with Fulmer’s constant posting of his wife on Instagram and the publication of ‘The Date Night Cookbook’, a recipe book featuring an Ikea-perfect Ned and Ariel grinning in front of a charcuterie board, accompanied by a review from the other Try Guys that the book is ‘Like going on one big double-date together’. Here the monetary benefits of fostering a parasocial investment in the family-man persona are made clear.
Image Credits: Page Six.
In a Stephen Colbert interview aired the year before John Mulaney’s separation from his wife, Mulaney revealed a haunting, prophetic conversation he had with her: ‘“So there’s a fake you with your parents”, and I said yes, “and there’s a fake you on stage”, and I said yes, and then Anna said, “So how do I know when I’m with you that it’s the real you?” and I said, “You don’t”’. The anecdote is followed by a short burst of audience laughter with the expectation of a happy resolution to the story, but after a sobering semi-joke from Mulaney about how he never wants to know what people, starting with his wife, truly think of him, all Colbert responds with is ‘That’s beautiful and sad at the same time’. These glimpses behind the curtain of the celebrity marriage are a cautionary reminder against accepting public persona and neat branding as true reflections of real, complex relationships. When audiences praise the wife guy for simply enjoying the company of his spouse, the bare minimum becomes a pleasant bonus rather than a necessity for any relationship to work, at the same time creating idyllic narratives that are prone to being dramatically shattered. Fulmer’s prompt erasure from the Try Guys brand is a legitimate response to workplace misconduct, but the apology video with each member embodying his own clear-cut character (anger, grief, matter-of-factness) only highlights the corporate need for marketable individuals who, unlike Fulmer, can remain in character both on and off camera.
Header Image Credits: Wikimedia Commons.
