2021: Reflecting with Kindness II

Celina Tran on 14 January 2022

I spent the last new year’s celebration with my dog, Bear, and my other half in our quiet, small city apartment. Following the night, I wrote my first Reflecting with Kindness article, which was about taking a break and not being so harsh on yourself regarding new year’s resolutions, especially considering the pandemic that left us all locked up for months. 

2021 has been slightly different to its predecessor. As life began returning to normality, so did my expectations of myself, and I’m sure I’m not the only one. After a year of doing nothing but taking a break, I had every intention of making up for 2020’s laziness.

I’m probably not the only one who’s still harsh in my reflection upon the year, almost stupidly so. Last year, I found it reasonable to completely scrap my resolutions. This year, I’ve come to realize that there’s absolutely no point in moping about what I didn’t do when I can appreciate what I did do. 

Did you meet new people? Maintain old relationships?

Growing apart, breakups and fights are normal, sometimes even healthy. But those around you right now? Those whose presence makes you smile, whose presence you linger in? You fought for that.

I’ve had the realisation that my boyfriend and I actually need to keep doing romantic couple things to maintain our relationship. I’ve also realised that I need to call my cousins and friends to stay in touch with them. Maintaining a relationship is so much effort, so if you did, good on you.

Did you get to know yourself? Grown? 

To many of us, the world as we know it is fast-paced, never-ending. Don’t lose yourself in the crowd.  

I’ve gotten to know a lot of people this year, but the most important one is a girl who’s been with me all my life. I’ve not always been the kindest to her, but I’ve spent the year learning more about myself. Getting to know yourself is a never-ending learning curve, and remember, flowers only bloom in the right conditions. Treat yourself with kindness, always. 

What have you done for others?

Didn’t solve world hunger or the climate crisis this year? Don’t worry, I didn’t either. 

But I bet you comforted a friend in distress or picked up an item a stranger dropped in one of those thousands of Morrisons aisles. Perhaps you’re the person who always smiles awkwardly at strangers who pass you, or maybe you’re the one who always compliments your classmates’ handwriting. 

I always feel awkward complimenting people even though I really want to, and I bet I’m not the only one. But having been on the receiving end of when someone does or says something kind has improved the worst of days, so I say go for it. The feeling you leave them with is priceless, and you’ll be happy you did it.  

If your list of successes isn’t as long as your list of failures, I still bet you had a lot of tiny victories. It’s the small things that matter, so bask in your tiny glory (even if said glory takes form in a lampshade rather than sunlight). As I said last time, this year is just another small step in the marathon that is life. Try not to stress, you will do and experience amazing things, and after all, Rome wasn’t built in a day. There’s still a long way to go, so as we’re approaching the new year, reflect upon this one with kindness.

Why I’m Glad I Failed My New Year’s Resolutions

Amy Punchard on 14 January 2022

This year, I officially did not achieve any of my nine New Year’s resolutions.

I did hardly any exercise, I didn’t drink enough water, and I ate far too much sugar. My routine went out of the window, I had my five-a-day about twice, and I didn’t spend much time outside. I didn’t brush up on my German, and I didn’t read a single book.

So, why do I still consider 2021 as one of my best years yet?

I’ve always been an overthinker and a serial organiser. I spend so much of my time thinking about mortgages, imagining how my career will look in 10 years time, and even planning my retirement. But in 2021, I finally learned how to live in the present rather than the future. I shut these thoughts out of my mind, took time for mindfulness, and started to focus on just enjoying each day as it comes – and as a result, my mental health is the strongest it’s been in years.

I do feel guilty about not achieving some of my resolutions, but at the same time I’m immensely proud of other things I achieved; I let go of grudges, I became kinder, I smiled and laughed more, and I mastered lots of new knitting skills. After all, the real purpose of New Year’s resolutions is to make us happier in life, and I’m certainly happier with mine.

In spite of everything I’ve said, I still fully intend to sit down on New Year’s Eve and write another long list of resolutions that I probably won’t achieve. Because what I’m trying to say through this article is not that New Year’s resolutions are pointless or unachievable, but that they are only useful when you don’t put unhealthy pressure on yourself to achieve them, and when you also take time to appreciate all the other wonderful things you’ve done and felt during the year. 

Research has suggested that people are more likely to achieve their goals when they make them at this time of year – life doesn’t come with a pause button, so it’s an ideal time to reflect and refresh. 

2021 has been a difficult and strange year for all of us, so if you’re in the 50% of us who will be sitting down with a pen and paper on the 31st of December, I hope you’ll take a moment to feel proud of yourself first. Did you make someone smile? Did you cook a new meal? Did you spend some time doing something you love?

Finally, my advice for your 2022 New Year’s resolutions is this: be vague! 

Whilst most articles will tell you that goals need to be specific, I believe that’s more likely to leave you disappointed. Rather than pledging to exercise every day, I’m just going to put ‘do more exercise’ because that way, even if I only go to the gym once, instead of being disappointed that I failed 364 times, I’ll simply be proud that I went once more than I did this year.